7 days without alcohol

I was at the bar Saturday and told a friend i was gonna take a week off drinking and his response was "that's it? a week aint shit, anybod can do that". I replied with "cool, then you should do it with me". He thought about it for a second then went silent. Then he asked me to do a shot with him. I said no thanks. I was already near the end of the pitcher i ordered.

So I decided that I needed to take a week off the bottle. After being out 4-5 nights a week for the past 6 weeks promoting events I've began to feel like I'm in a weird downward spiral, that begins with every day starting later and later, and never ends before 5 or 6 in the morning. I've also noticed that things around me involving other people seem to be equally depressing, and that all these things can be traced back to alcohol. I feel bad enough physically, but people around me seem to be having an even worse time. So i think it's time for clarity, to step away from drinking for a while.

I hate that everything around me that's fucked up--from the way people treat people they know, to public conflicts between strangers--seem to almost always involve alcohol. I hate this fact. I hate that I'm even around when all this petty shit is going on.

On the other hand I am somewhat conflicted because i truly believe that I have had some amazing conversations over a pitcher of beer, and the prospect of not having that to stimulate my mind makes me uneasy, but still.

So while i do realize this blog is pretty fucking depressing I also hope that you all can see its necessity. This is why i asked how many nights a week some of yall drink a couple weeks ago. It as already on my mind.

Keep drinking your drinks and partying, but i gotta take some time off. But i know it's going to be hard. So I'm gonna blog about it.

Word is blog.

I shoulda knew the scoop

I have no words for life right now. Other than this song, which will serve as the soundtrack to what I'm feeling right now to this highest degree:



Its wild how sometimes you can speak things into existence.

Word is blog.

a gem of an interview from a columbus band

The lead singer in the Columbus band called Psychedelic Horseshit is interviewed in the washington post, and there are so many funny (and completely correct) quotes in this intervew I have to post it here. While their music isn't for everybody, this interview is, and you don't even have to know anything about them to appreciate it. I wish more hip-hop people would do interviews like this. Shit, maybe I might when my next album comes out.

One of my favorite quotes from the interview is this:

"No one tells the truth because everyone's so afraid of what everyone else is gonna think, and their image. Everyone's afraid of being pretentious. And it's like - pretension is necessary to advance art. And honest criticism is necessary to advance art. Failure is necessary to advance art. And everyone's so afraid of all of those."

Peep the full interview here:
http://voices.washingtonpost.com/postrock/2009/03/sxsw_leftovers_talkin_expletiv.html

Word is Blog.

Really good rappin

Slaughterhouse "Move On" [Remix] feat. Joe Budden, Royce Da 5'9" & Crooked I:



Shit makes me wanna sit down and write some shit.

Word is blog.

The Last So What Wednesday

If you live in Columbus then you probably know that I've been a part of a weekly hip-hop night called So What Wednesdays for about 2 and a half years. It goes down every week at Cafe Bourbon Street. The night was created and named in remembrance of our dude Daymon Dodson (aka So What) and we have held it down for a while hopefully in the spirit of what he was about. I host it and DJ Detox has been there on the turntables since day one but we've also had Rare Groove and POS 2 helping out as well at certain points. We've also had performances from One Be Lo, DJ Abilities, Mac Lethal, The Catalyst, J. Rawls, Illogic, myself, and many others that i can't even remember right now. It has always been a good time and a good outlet for people who wanna hear classic hip-hop shit.

At any rate, tonight is the final So What Wednesday. Since I've announced this last week, a bunch of people have been asking why its ending, which is understandable. The only thing that bothers me is when people who haven't come out in a year ask. They'll be like "why is this ending? i havent been there in like 2 years, but it was great when i went" And i have no words.

What I'm sayin is this: things are special not because me and detox are there every week and Detox is playing good music--things become special when you decide to make it special, because then memories are made. if something is special then it's because you and your friends made it special and decided to make it happen. So to all my people who came out and made this shit special--thank you. I don't regret doing it at all and had fun every week i was there, whether there were 15 or 150 people there.

So that's all I got. I'll be there tonight doing what we've been doing for the last couple years, having fun.

Word is blog.

My agenda

What this blog IS about:

Entertainment
Drinking
Dancing
Jokes
Making fun of everybody
Bizarre shit that happens around me
Music (but not that much)

What this blog is NOT about:

Uplifting messages
Support of any political agenda
Positivity or positive reinforcement of any kind
Telling stories about boring shit that happens on tour
Being a role-model.
Explaining what motivated me to do a song, beat, or any of that shit.
Enlightenment or betterment

Just wanted to clear that up before anybody out there got the wrong idea.

Now, Check this shit out and tell me it aint funny as fuck:



While I'm generally not about violence. The entire concept of a dude trying to put hands on his woman and her kicking his ass seven ways til sunday is amazing. That alone makes this shit ROFLworthy.

Word is blog.

I didn't go to SXSW

sue me.

i was in limbo, and was like nah brah, i'mma chill at the crib. what i look like the guy who's last record is 4 years old and whose new record doesnt have a release date, hoppin on stage feeling optimistic about shit like he unsigned hype from when the source meant something, feel me?

but i do have fond memories of it. first time i ever went was the 2nd or 3rd soul position show ever. we opened up for mr. len. remember when mr len and big jess had props from company flow? now none of yall fuck with them dudes. well me and rj's first time at sxsw we played a showcase with them in front of maybe 50 people max...this was long before i really knew how to rock a fucking show. i was a youngin. me and lif were walking around downtown austin with Prefuse 73. I didnt know who he was at the time or what he would turn into...nobody did, safe to say. Me and RJ didn't even have a room, so we slept on Mr. Lif's floor. He had a room and looked out. Real rap. Never say print didn't pay dues or was always on some "i made it" type shit. i dont even understand the concept of made it because the struggle stay kickin my ass every year or two.

but yeah, sxsw is a cool conference. but now, there's WAY TOO MUCH RAP. no novelty. i would be one of 200 people spittin bars at you this weekend.

but i dont wanna sound negative, because AUSTIN TEXAS is the shit.

6th STREET is the shit.

TEXAS WOMEN are the shit. jonny baker feels me on this.

So i dont want this to come off like I'm too good for south by southwest because i'm not. i'm at the crib drinkin pbr wil dudes are out there goin for the gusto. I just need to get my shit together, so that when i do get on my grizzly and go for the gusto it means more and resonates more. i figure if i'm excited then maybe everybody else will be...who knows. its only life. dont take yourself so seriously.

I dont know where i was going with this other than to say that i miss my rse dudes; young max (abilities), mikey (eyedea), sean (he posts here so he dont count but miss him too), ali, ab rude (shhhhhh), bk one, toki wright, etc. comraderie is hella important. stay motivated. dont surround yourself with people who aint about the fuckin art. if they aint about the art then fuck them. dudes be about bitches, props, free drinks, and stupid ass shit like that more than the art nowadays. but if you're about the art, the craft, then all that shit will come your way anyways, feel me?

so i'm on vacation now. really its a "staycation" as they say because i aint went nowhere. i'm chillin but i'm not. i'm not doing shit but i really am. i'm on it mi amigo. dont front on su hermano.

(This shit aint even slightly blog worthy but i might just post it over there too when i wake up and read this shit i'm about to forget about. Until then, never forget that Printnificence is a mutha fuckin boss, whether the tide is for or against him)

GOOD NIGHT.

A good interview

Last fall when i was on tour with atmosphere i did an interview with the Western Carolinian Magazine about everything from the future of hip-hop, to digital production, to the fate of vinyl. It's pretty in-depth but a pretty good read. I actually forgot we talked about so many different things.

Either way the interview is HERE

DIY Shit

Finally got Illogic's CDs in the mail today:














Already had the clear cd trays:














Got the artwork in the mail a few days ago:














Picked up the instrumental CDs from my dude Philly Phil this morning:














Finished product:

















If you live in Columbus, hope to see you all out next friday. I'll probably be working the merch table trying to sell these joints:

Lovrub Commercials

Just might be the funniest commercials i've seen on tv in a minute (and by funny i mean bad):





I just wanna know what Lipluv is.

word is blog.

Why dudes dress bad

It's not because they're bad people who think fashion is for sissies.

It's not because they're too lazy to really know what's hot, or what people like.

It's not because they try too hard to impress everybody and end up impressing nobody.

Dudes dress bad because they simply don't understand the hierarchy of dressing. See, there's an order to this shit that you need to understand before you go out there all willy nilly with your flea market fitted and 100 dollar pair of jeans. Or you rush out there with those 100 dollar shades and that ridiculous 5x, multicolor tshirt, looking all ridiculous. Particularly my fellas. Feel me on this shit my dudes.

It ain't about dressing good. It's about not dressing bad.

Let's be honest here; women know way more about fashion that us. It started way earlier for them. Their use of color alone is way beyond ours. Back in elementary school when we were given the box of crayons with 12 colors in it, all primary, they were given the joint with like 50 colors in it. Three different blue's, 4 different variations of red, etc. Weird ass colors like "cyan" and "magenta" that to this day you will never hear a man say out loud. This is because we were deprived as kids. We don't know shit about colors for real, and if we do then we learned it way later.

But anyways, men tend to think that they have to actually dress up to impress a woman, or that being extra fly is the only way to look good, but the reality is that really you just need to not dress bad. And to not dress bad you need to understand the hierarchy of shit...feel me on this.

I was buying some pants today and it dawned on me that while i do think that having some nice jeans on is important, that it's not the most important. What is you ask? Shoes and shirt. Trust me on this. Keep your shoes right, keep your shirt unoffensive and you will be ok. Obviously your face matters, but I'm just talking about gear here. So as I'm coppin these jeans I realize that I wouldnt even be coppin these nice jeans if i didnt already have some nice shoes on, feel me? Like who in their right mind buys some jeans then tries to find some nice shoes, or wears them with shitty shoes? Nobody with any sense of style. And neither should you. However, it's very important to understand how these things work together.

Case in point, the white t-shirt phenomena. The white t-shirt proves that the shirt isn't nearly as important as a mans shoes or jeans. See, the white t-shirt is a team player. If the white tshirt was a basketball player it would be the guy taking all the charges, setting the picks, and diving after loose balls. It defers the eye to other more important parts of a mans wardrobe (because honestly its hard as fuck to figure out what shirt to buy), so when the white t-shirt started poppin i would bet that 75% of men felt relief. Happy they would never have to worry about picking out the most difficult, yet least important part of the wardrobe again.

Basically I'm saying this. If you aren't a "great" dresser, then here is the ranking of what you should be making important to not be a bad dresser:

a. Men who wear white tshirts

1. Shoes
2. Pants - to show off those nice shoes
3. Hat / Skullcap / Fitted
4. Shirt - you're rockin a white tee so it dont matter. you win.

or

b. Men who DON'T wear white tshirts

1. Shirt - if your shoes aint hot then you might as well rock a nice shirt
2. Shoes - 2nd only because the eyes arent sent there by the white tee
3. Pants - if your shirt and shoes are nice who cares about your pants. you got the top and bottom joint on lock.

(sidenote: please understand that dudes who rock solid color polos or shit like that are basically like dudes who rock white tees. you win by keepin it simple)

So, what I'm basically saying is that you can avoid being a shitty dresser by simply knowing what's most important and doing just enough to get you by. Don't try to compete with these clowns who wanna color-coordinate from head to toe (sunglasses, shades, beltbuckles, suspenders, ect.)--fuck that. Do you, but respect the hierarchy, that's what I'm sayin, you shitty dresser you.

Word is blog

Mike Tyson Documentary coming soon

Anybody who knows me know's that I consider Mike Tyson one of the most entertaining people on the planet. Well, apparently there is a documentary coming out soon about his life, that I will be at the first day it comes out. But before you watch the trailer to the movie I would like to beg of you to watch this below footage of the best Mike Tyson quotes. Dude is truly amazing. I like to watch this shit whenever i'm feeling down:

(sorry about the false start, apparently they took the last one off the net. this ones good)



Here's the movie trailer:



word is blog.

How many days a week do you drink?

I'm curious.

Random thoughts about condoms

In high school, I had a friend that referred to Lifestyle condoms as "L styles". So I did too. Ever since then when I walk into a store and see Lifestyle condoms I have fond memories of high school and usually buy them, even though I think trojan condoms are far superior. I even refer to them as "L Styles" sometimes but nobody else understands what I'm talking about.

Every now and then, when I'm single I'll put one in my wallet before i go out. Not because i actually think I'm gonna get laid, but because I think having one in my wallet gives me a positive mental attitude about things...a weird optimism about all things in life takes over and I walk around with a "can do" attitude the rest of the night no matter what happens.

I find it sexy when a woman isn't afraid to admit she has condoms. Whether that be at her house or in her purse. I think it implies confidence.

I think its funny that most women who actually do have condoms have brands that men would never choose; weird ass colors or patterns, circular packaging, glow in the dark neon joints, etc. Most dudes stay loyal to one or two brands pretty much. Women get way more funky with it.

I've noticed that some women feel weird if you say you've got condoms before you're completely naked. Any sooner and they feel like you're assuming you're getting some, which never turns out well. As a result, I think things go better when a woman asks, but honestly all things related to sex go better when a woman asks, so I guess that makes perfect sense.

I once dated a girl who absolutely refused to keep condoms in her house. We dated a year and still no condoms. So we would have to leave her house in the middle of the night and go to some corner store to buy them whenever I spent the night. That shit completely ruined the moment if I had to go get them by myself, but if she went with me it felt like we were on an espionage mission. I never completely understood it, but im guessing that she didn't want me to assume she was gonna put out.

The worst sex I ever had in my adult life was when a friend lent me a Magnum condom. Between the anxiety of having sex with this chick for the first time, and being worried that the condom was entirely too big for me--I'm pretty sure that she remembers me as the worst lover ever. I've tried to forget that experience.

This is some strange shit to blog about but i swear these thoughts were on my mind when i woke up this morning. Safe sex yall.

Word is blog

The return of D'Angelo?

The other day while I found myself trapped in the depths of Youtube, I stumbled upon some random D'Angelo recordings that had been posted, most of which had very few listens, and all seemed to show up between spring and fall of 2008. The wildest thing is that the majority of these songs are covers of really unexpected shit like "Funky Drummer" by James Brown, "Super Man Lover" by Jonnie Guitar Watson, "Everybody Loves The Sunshine" by Roy Ayers, and even hip-hop shit like "Ex to the next girl" by Gangstar.

It made me wonder why these would show up now, as opposed to when he first went to jail? My guess is that these recordings are probably him and his band sharpening their chops, and that more importantly D'Angelo is doing music again and is actually going to come back out soon.

So i figured I would compile all the songs for all the D'Angelo fans out there.

D'Angelo "Funky Drummer"


D'Angelo "Ain't it funky"








D'Angelo "Joe Texan"

The Iskabibbles

Back in the day i was in a crew called the Iskabibbles. It consisted of illogic, Plead the Ph5th, and my crew Greenhouse Effect. In later years we would find out that there was an older rock band from Columbus with the same name. We did music at the time but it never really came out.

At any rate, this is an old Electronic Press Kit put together for The Iskabibbles (Greenhouse Effect, Illogic, & Plead the Ph5th) created from old performance clips of our various shows together around 2000. This one got dug up from VHS so enjoy. For those from Columbus, or those interested in seeing some footage from a classic time in columbus hip-hop, enjoy.

The Iskabibbles album is available at HERE

If the shoe doesn't fit then don't wear it

To all the women who feel like I was talking about them in my last post, even if NONE of the shit in there applied to them--RELAX. Don't take yourself or this blog so seriously.

Sheesh...

Have a good day.

Top Ten Reasons Why SOME 21-23 Year Old Women Suck

1. They never live alone

At first glance this may seem ridiculous, or even arrogant, but trust me on this; if you're trying to get at a woman in this age bracket the worst thing to deal with is going to her house and deal with her dumb ass roommates. No grown ass man in his right mind wants to deal with this shit. I'm grown, I'm not on that shit no more. I wanna be able to walk around butt ass naked to the bathroom, or even have sex without somebody walking in the room on some random shit, but that ain't gonna work.

2. They act like they "might" go somewhere.

Young girls always be on that coy shit. beat it. these chicks are notoriously flakey. They're always on some "we might" go there...or on some "well if my bff calls me we're probably gonna do this.." Fuck all that. Just pick something so i can know whether I should go there and get at you or to avoid it completely because I know you're there and i don't wanna see you.

3. They blame shit on their friends.

cant even walk to the bathroom without your girlfriend in tow. grow the fuck up. i dont care what your friends are up to or are about to go.

4. They look down on all guys for hitting on them

When chicks get 25-30, being hit on aint shit, yet for a chick in this age range they seem to almost look forward to dudes hollerin at them--knowing all along they're not gonna holler back. Hell, I think they even look forward to bragging about who hit on them the night before and who they rejected. Shit is ridiculous and annoying. Shut up.

5. They think every man is trying to fuck them.

the only thing worse than looking down on dudes who wanna fuck them is assuming every dude wants to fuck them in the first place. shame on you young girl.

6. They don't pay for shit.

I'm gonna keep it all the way funky here; i have NEVER met a 21-23 year old chick that was actually down to bust out her credit card first. ever. I'm not talking about when there's 6 people there splitting a dinner bill, I'm talking about that moment when you order a drink together and she can either say "I got this" or play dumb. These chicks always play dumb.

7. They aren't particularly good in bed.

Yeah i said it--yall suck in the sack. But i do wanna say that the reason you suck isn't your fault, it's because you're fucking a bunch of dudes in your age bracket who don't know what the fuck is going on. However, at least show some initiative and some commitment to becoming a better lover at some point, and stop blaming it on dudes. step your shit up ladies.

8. They can't handle their liquor

How do i begin? I dont even think i have to. But yeah, 90% of 21-23 year olds fail to boss up when it comes to alcohol, even though they've been drinking since they were 15. Probably because they're always drinking fruity ass shit like washington apples and fuzzy navels, but still, champ the fuck up.

9. They have no direction in life

zero. none. lost in the sauce.

10. They have no story

look girl, lets keep it honest here, you haven't been through shit. a bad week to you is when your best friend actually goes through something and you've gotta listen to their bellyaching all week--not when you actually go through some real shit. while this shit is a generalization you have to admit that most 22 year old chicks life is on autopilot. you and "the struggle" have never crossed paths. shit, you probably dont even really know anybody who's struggling. beat it.

ok..i'm out. dont front like you dont feel me on this shit.

Word is blog.

In cased yall missed it: Blueprint vs Funkadelic

Last year I released a project called Blueprint vs Funkadelic. Basically I sat around with all their records and made beats out of a bunch of their stuff, and then put some rhymes with it. It was free to download and the CD version w/ instrumentals came with a free poster. Here's the link to the free version:

Click HERE to download:

And in case you're unfamiliar with the legendary band Funkadelic, check this song "Friday Night August 14th":




Word is Blog

A great blog to check out

http://25thingsaboutmysexuality.blogspot.com/

It's all your fault

So I went out tonight to Ladies 80's.

Yeah, i know what you're thinking; "print you soft...how you gonna go to Ladies 80's night, I thought you were a real rapper?" Well, you know what? Fuck yall and fuck all that rapper shit. I'm a fuckin man. I have a penis, and i like vagina. Nothing wrong with that. I've lived in Columbus the past 5 years and I've never seen more fine ass women than in that spot tonight. It was one of those nights where everything magically comes together, and you just happen to be there, nahmeen? Where the weather goes from 35 degrees to 65 degrees, and you just gotta bask in that shit and enjoy it. Hell, as i was headed to the spot i knew it was gonna be on by how many fine chicks i saw walking to the spot looking good as i tried to find my parking space. But i digress. I'm drunk and I'm gettin off topic.

What i decided tonight, through careful analysis, and extensive field testing is that we as men are our own worst enemies. Feel me on this shit. When we don't get laid we tend to blame women..."aw that chick was hating!" or "man, those chicks was frontin!" but let me tell yall straight the fuck up why 90% of dudes don't have success with women:

Because we always have too many of our boys around.

Let me hit yall with some truth here. So tonight, as I'm seeing a record number of amazing chicks at the spot, I also see a strange crowd of dudes at the spot that i never seen before--big ass body-building, bouncer, guido lookin ass dudes. Just as some background we have the Arnold Schwarzenegger convention in town this weekend so that's to be expected, but here's the thing. Dudes were standing in packs dancing with dudes. What part of the game is that? Its bad enough they're dancing with dudes, but then they even got the nerve to be knocking bitches down and being all agro with it? I seen some dudes in there knocking bitches over...just doing some bastardized version of the crip walk...dudes so big that NOBODY wanted to scrap with them or tell them they were outta line. Shit man, it looked like the WWE was having a convention in there tonight, and i for one only likes to fight when he thinks he can win. I dont know about yall but i actually think before i throw hands.

But my point is this: what the hell makes you as a dude think that you can really come up on a nice young woman when you rolled out to the club 4-deep? You trippin. You trippn even more because you actually have the nerve to stand in a circle and dance with your boys like chicks really like that kinda shit...the only people who like to see buffed dudes dance like that are homosexual men. Which is NOT what you seem to be aiming for.

So I'm gonna speak from experience when i drop this jewel on yall. The most action i ever get is when i roll solo or bring (listen up here) at the most ONE cat with me. Anything over that decreases your chances of coming up, tremendously.

So from the bottom of my black ass heart, I would respectfully like to ask all of you dudes to STOP BRINGING DUDES TO THE SPOT. Please. Its for all of us. The more meatheads you bring the less pussy all of us get. Not because yall have more game, or are better looking, but simply because when women are outnumbered they feel uncomfortable. Because of you and you're meathead friends. So the more chicks the better. If you're gonna go out, then bring ONE dude with you. Not 2, not 3, not 8--ONE.

I'm tired of pretending that it's ok to roll deep to some shit just because your homie hasn't been out in a while. Fuck that, take his ass to a strip club. Leave this shit for us. We got this shit. This is what the fuck i do. I do these things quite frequently and I'm here to tell you that you're fucking up the game. So for the love of God, please stop bringing hardlegs to the spot. That's not hot on the streets.

Word is blog.

Face Lift

Yeah, had to give the blog a little facelift. Yall thought I was gonna rock the basic layout forever, huh? We do these things. Still working on it.

Word is Blog.

Pictures from my "Keep Bouncing" Video Shoot

I shot a music video for a song off my upcoming album called "keep bouncing" a couple months ago. Since the song is pretty much about the dumb shit that goes through your mind when you're drunk and bouncing around from bar to bar, I figured it was only right that I shot it at some local Columbus bars. We shot it in one night at three seperate bars: Skullys, Cafe Bourbon Street, and Carabar. Although about 90% of it was shot at Carabar. My homie Bridget had her camera and took some pictures. As you may or may not know, shooting music videos involves a great deal of standing around waiting for your part to come up, so it should come as no surprise that these pictures are of us doing just that--standing around and waiting.

I figure I would post this because the videographer just told me that he's really close to being done and should have a draft to me soon. I'm excited.

All photos by Bridget Brown

My dude Zero Star...




























Me and Envelope:














Justin, the director:














Cara behind the bar:





















Wes and Envelope:















Detox, somebody whose face is covered up by Detox's hand, me, and Ron:
















Video for "Keep Bouncing" and my new album "Adventures in Counter-Culture" coming soon.

Word is Blog.

GREENHOUSE (Blueprint & Illogic) in the studio

Illogic and me in the lab, working on the new greenhouse album.



Also, Illogic has a CD coming out on march 24th called "Diabolical Fun". This is the flyer for his CD Release party in Columbus, if you happen to be in our area. I'll be there probably working the merch table:




























Yes, I do actually make music sometimes.

Word is blog.

last night = bugged out

(originally written dec 19th, 2008)

i had to tell this story...

so last night me and seance are at ladies 80s drinking beer, waiting to pass out some flyers for the new years show. we're off in the cut standing right between the two bathrooms kickin it and this little ass dude walks up and just posts up next to us. dude was looking real serious. so we keep talking and clowning and dude is still there. dude is like "man, yall clowning over here!" but he still had that serious look in his face..real focused. at first i thought he might have thought we were in line for the bathroom, so i was like "we're not in line for the bathroom" just so dude would know. and little dude is like "nah, i'm not going in the bathroom, i'm waiting on somebody to come out. i gotta handle some shit". So i'm like "damn, you look real serious, is it about to go down?" and he's like "yeah man, a muthafucka disrespected me and I'm about to handle that. hes in the bathroom, so i'm gonna wait for him to come out and see whats up." so me and seance are like cool, we're gonna post up here because this shit is about to get entertaining.

we ask little dude what happened and he said that big dude kind of pushed him aside and was like get out my way lil dude. he said he didnt appreciate it, so he was gonna confront him.Little dude was so focused and bout it and he couldn't have weighed more than 125 pounds, max...and he was maybe 5'8 or so and didnt even look like the kind of dude who was on some scrappy shit.

so little dude goes back to waiting for another couple minutes, so you know the suspense is building on our end like whats about to go down, and then finally this BIG ASS DUDE walks out. This cat was like probably around 6 foot 2 and weighed at least 225 pounds. and soon as he walks out the bathroom, little dude rolled up to him and starts wispering some shit in his ear, talking to him real gangsterish. we cant hear what he's saying to dude but you know something real is being said. i'm expecting the big dude to either fuck little dude up, or be on some leave me alone or i'll fuck you up type shit, but what happens? BIG ASS DUDE BACKS DOWN AND WALKS AWAY.

So we ask little dude what happened and he's like "dude said he didnt want no problems with me and just wanted to have a good time. then he apologized." I was like "holy shit!"

I woke up today laughing about that shit. Little dude had the heart of a lion. That shit could've went real bad for him, but big dude saw that he was gonna be fighting this little cat to the death and didn't want no part of that drama.

thought I'd share that with yall...

Best quotes from yesterday's conversations

1. "She's like the ODB of cooking" - me referring to this girl who cooked possibly the best 3-course meal I've ever had in my life, while being completely hammered and high the entire time.

2. "I'm tired of everything right now man. If I wasn't such a pussy I'd actually kill myself." - friend of mine speaking on being depressed.

3. "no bad vibes. heard ya made it with my x, congrats.. i couldn't take her back, she was not too happy." - random myspace message

4. "Between the stress of work and the meds, my libido is pretty much gone."- girl that I was actually out on a date with.

That last one had me like this:

Conspiracy Theory Revealed--Women's Health Magazine

So I'm at this dinner party tonight, drinking wine and eating some amazing food, and while the food is cooking I pick up a magazine on the dinner table; Women's Health magazine. I figured it couldn't hurt to kill some time while we were waiting on the next course to be served.

So as i'm reading this magazine to myself, i instantly realize that some (if not most) of the articles in it are actually pretty funny if you read them out loud. So for a while i was reading them out loud and we were cracking jokes about it.

See, when i was younger i used to sometimes read women's magazines in my search to learn more about what women write and think when men aren't around, you know? It's like locker room talk for men, where we get to see what they really think about us. Probably the same reason I was always a fan of Sex & The City. So none of that shit was new to me. I actually find that magazine as well as other magazines like Cosmo extremely entertaining on some bugged-out shit. You just have to not take them so seriously and they're pretty damn funny.

So as I'm flipping through this magazine the craziest thought occurs to me, that i will get to a little later, but peep this.

Here are some titles of a few articles in it and some direct quotes:

GIRL TECH MAD EASY - here's what technology does for us: simplifies, improves, and adds more gigabytes of power to our insanely busy lives. Here's what technology does to us: makes us feel like morons."

The entire article goes on to explain such cutting edge concepts as defraging your harddrive, backing up your harddrive, "3 amazing tivo tricks", and the ever important "buttons you never press but should!"

The illest quote in the entire article is "the answer to lots of tech problems: reboot". Really? Wow.


CAN HE READ YOU? Get Your guy to match the face with the feeling"Whether you're at a family dinner or an office bash, being able to wordlessly commmunicate with your guy is crucial to surviving the stressful holiday season. But does he really know how to decode your facial cues? If he cant tell the difference between "Let's Stay Longer" and "get me the hell out of here", pass him this page--pronto"

15 MOMENTS THAT DEFINE A RELATIONSHIP
This almost seems like an interesting concept, but its the most ridiculous shit I've ever heard. Here's a couple of ground-breaking "moments" that define a relationship:

The First Kiss
The First Morning After
Finding the nerve to say "i love you"
The First time he lets you control his car/remote/ipod (WTF?)
When you notice yourself no longer primping for him.

Here's another amazing quote from Women's Health magazine:

"Republicans are better at partying. They have more money, and they have more vices. They're dirty birdies"

I promise I'm not making this shit up, but think about this quote from an article titled "Male Brain Explained":

"Get Inside His Head - New research shows that when it comes to emotions, men and women really are wired differently"

Really? There's scientific data that really proves men and women are different? My mind is completely blown...after all these years of thinking we were on the same shit, my brain is about to explode. And since you've got scientific data it must be true, right?

Now, I know yall are gonna think I'm crazy for this shit right here, but here's my theory:

After reading this magazine, i truly believe that it is written by men--not women.

Stay with me here.

I think that if you visited their headquarters all you would find is an empty factory with a bunch of dudes, sitting around smoking cigarettes, smoking weed, drinking beer, and writing shit that sounds girly and insulting to women just for kicks and to make money. I truly believe that there is no way a single woman works for this magazine. No way.

Let that marinate. Then go back and read the magazine and I promise you will feel me on this.

The shit in this magazine is so insulting to the intelligence of women in general that there's no way a woman could be writing it, let alone a building full of women. If women actually wrote it, they might actually think that the implication that technology "scares them" is insulting, or that taking time to try to train your man to read your non-verbal cues defeats the entire purpose of communicating in the first place. They might actually find it insulting that somebody wrote 500 words dedicated to the fact that men and women are "wired differently" when we all know this is obvious without scientific data to back it up.

Hell, I would even go so far as to say that magazines like Women's Health are more damaging to women than all the really blatantly "boys will be boys" magazines like Stuff, Blender, FHM, and shit like that because at least those magazines don't present themselves as anything other than what they are--excuses for dudes to talk about dude shit and look at hot chicks. It's a wolf, you know it's a wolf. Whereas Women's Health actually looks like a sheep but is really a wolf, feel me?

Marinate on that shit for a second...let me know if you feel me on this.

Word is blog.

Notice anything "unusual" about this picture?

(Besides me looking pretty goofy, of course)



















Don't front, you see that shit.





Click on the image to enlarge it if you need to.





Shit's funny, right?


Word is blog.

The worst thing about being cockblocked

It's not the fact that you have to go home by yourself.

It's not the fact that somebody stopped you from doing what you wanted to do, and from fucking who you wanted to fuck.

It's not the fact that the person you wanted to fuck with totally backed down and left you out to dry when their friends questioned their decision-making.

Truthfully, all that shit is pretty easy to accept.

However...

The worst thing about being cockblocked, is that moment when you get home, and you lay down in your bed, and you realize that the person who stopped you from having sex is actually at home right now having sex and you're not.

Be honest, that shit burns, don't it?

Word is blog.